CSI: Criminal Singers Investigated
If you think the legal issues ended with the Brittenum twins, think again. This episode also included a segment of several numbered-but-unnamed contestants who had been brought up on various humorous charges. Watch for yourself below, but here’s the full list first:
- Contestant #2550 charged with: Passing a Counterfeit C-Note
2550 attempts to show off his extremely high range, but simply ends up destroying glasses and setting off car alarms instead.
Sentence: 5 years - Contestant #32367 charged with: Mimes Against Humanity
32367 used some fairly distracting gestures during his song. It appeared that he may have been signing the song. Since American Idol wouldn’t have him, perhaps he could join the Happy Hands Club from Napoleon Dynamite.
Sentence: 10 years, minimum security - Contestant #889 charged with: Bouncing Czechs
889, a Czech performer, “sings” Lady Marmolade.
Sentence: 12 years, community service - Contestant #62092 charged with: Hummicide
62092 sings poorly, and follows it up with some poor humming.
Sentence: 12 years in Sing Sing - Contestant #72722 charged with: Performing with a concealed weapon
72722’s singing style mostly involved plenty of Elvis-on-Viagara hip swinging.
Sentence: 18 years, maximum security - Contestant #34603 charged with: Writhing without a License
34603 throws one arm up into the air (almost Rodeo-style), writhes for a bit, and gives off a series of moans or . . . something like that.
Sentence: 18 years, solitary confinement - Contestant #37113 charged with: Assault and Battery
37113, a large woman, sings I Like Big Butts. Fortunately, she has a fun time, as she spins around, shakes her booty, and starts spanking herself.
Sentence: Life: No parole
