Mickey Mouse Singer

Contestant # Unknown

A woman in a pink shirt sang M-I-C-K-E-Y in a loud, horrible voice. She even held up a pretend microphone to her mouth. Good times.

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Paula Goodspeed

News flash: Paula Goodspeed was found dead on Tuesday, November 11, 2008. For more information, click here.

Contestant #55896

Paula wore some interesting clothes. The reason is that everyone calls her a "fashion genius."

In addition to the eye-catching clothes, she also had some prominent braces with pink and green rubber bands that Simon just had to talk about. He said things like "You have so much metal in your mouth," "that's like a bridge," and "How did she get through the metal detector? It must have gone crazy!"

Paula is a huge Paula Abdul fan. Apparently, she likes to draw life-size pictures of Paula Abdul.

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Tessie Mae Reid

Contestant #52967

Tessie Mae attempted to sing Ain't No Mountain High Enough for the judges, but the sound was horrendous, despite her claim that she sounds exactly like Avril Lavigne. Tessie Mae's hair was of interest, with two long, bleach-blonde braids falling down on either side of her face.

Why does Tessie Mae think she should advance to the next round? In her words: "I think I should be a pop star because I could be like the next big famous person." Grammatically, this wasn't the best choice of words. I'm not sure if she was using "big" to describe the famousness or the person. Tessie's outfit included a black shirt and too-tight, bright pink pants that showed off her figure. How can you describe her figure like in those pants? You can't — but Simon's could: "You know when you buy a sack and you try to stuff it full of potatoes and you just keep pushing and pushing . . . It's like 'No — I can get another potato in there, hang on.'"

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Donnell Bolton

Contestant #

Donnell sang in an extremely high-pitched voice and confused the judges. It was even higher than a Mickey Mouse impersonation.

In fact, it was so high, the lyrics were indecipherable–but there's a reason for that. The song was not understandable because it was Jigglypuff's Lullaby. Jigglypuff, of course, is one of the most famous Pokémon characters. The lullaby contains only the word "Jigglypuff" and is fabled to put enemies to sleep.

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Michelle Lapoint

Contestant #52900

Michelle sang Lean on Me but forgot the words two lines into the song. She froze at that point and, on cue, her contestant number sign fell off onto the floor, as if embarrassed by the whole thing.

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Arthur Mayfield

Contestant #53119

Arthur performed some sort of weird, indescribable dancing. The worst part is that the awful dancing seemed choreographed, which would infer that it was thought out in advance and passed as acceptable.

Arthur's bright red scarf and matching shoes didn't help much, either.

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Chanequa Jackson

Contestant #54231

Chanequa sang Fire and Desire, which includes the lyrics "It was pain before pleasure."

Simon interrupted to say, "Let's take out the pleasure."

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