Renaldo had an undeniably unique outfit for his American Idol audition: A white hat covered with white feathers, a sign on the front saying "SIMON", and with wings on the bac; a quilted vest; large, white feather pompoms on the back shoulders; and a shiny silver cape.

As Renaldo walked into the audition room, Paula asked him why Simon's name was on his hat. He answered, "Two reasons: Everyone, everywhere, as long as there is free media, television, radio, speaks the name of Simon. Even a newborn baby. Secondly–" and then Randy and Paula cut him off. The first reason was already too much for them to take.

Renaldo sang his own composition, We're Brothers Forever, which is a ballad consisting of the following lyrics, sung boldly and proudly:

I am your brother,
your best friend forever.
Singing the songs;
The music that you like.
Brothers 'til the end of time.
Together or not,
you're always in my heart.
Your hurt, your feelings
and you will worry no more.

Renaldo finished singing the song and Randy urged him to continue. Apparently that is the full song, because Renaldo sang that chorus again. In fact, he continued singing it over and over again, and Randy and Paula were trying to convince Simon that the song was really a ballad to him.

After a few rounds, Paula screamed and got up, and Randy joined Renaldo on stage to rock to the left and to the right as they sang the song. Randy then brought Ryan in to sing along, and Paula joined them on stage as well as they serenaded Simon.

In this episode, we saw a parade of transvestites, but none was more noticeable than contestant number 16732. Unfortunately, the show never displays Contestant #16732's name, so I simply referred to him as "Unconvincing Transvestite," but his name is actually Nick Pozderac.

Nick was an (hopefully intentionally) unconvincing transvestite. He had visible stubble, an large, awful wig, a large white beaded necklace, and a shapeless dress.

Nick sang Tyler Bonnie's Total Eclipse of the Heart with little success.

Simon asked him, "What have you got in your trousers?"

Post-audition, Nick pleaded with the men of America, "Guys, give it a try 'cause pants can be restricting, if you know what I mean. And there's breezes here that I've never felt before."

Tammy isn't the most outgoing, energetic person auditioning for American Idol. In fact, she seems to have a very low key personality.

Tammy told the judges that she would be singing Celine Dion's The Power of Love. Instead, Tammy started singing If You Asked Me To in a high, timid voice. Tammy asked to start over after a rough start.

Simon clarified which song Tammy was singing, and they asked her if which song she wanted to sing.

Randy told her that she was a nice, sweet girl, but that her audition was horrible.

Despite her failure to make it through to Hollywood, Tammy kept the same unemotional demeanor. Nonetheless, Ryan consoled her and told her to calm down.

"Hi, my name's Kyle Ensley, and elect me to be your next American Idol."

Kyle is a PolySci and International Business major with aspirations to be the next governor of Oklahoma. Of course, the best springboard to governor is to be American Idol first.

Kyle sang Queen's Somebody to Love in earnest. Simon admitted that Kyle wasn't as bad as he thought he would be and gave him the thumbs up. Before they passed him through, however, Simon made Kyle promise that he wouldn't be like Clay Aiken, doing weird things with his hair, wear red leather jackets, or sing Grease Is the Word.

Forget about Hillary, Rudy, Barack, Mike, and the Johns. I'm voting for Kyle!

Read about Kyle's Hollywood audition.

As Ryan was encouraging the waiting room to whoop it up and prove that they were ready to take the American Idol title back, Douglas only clapped mildly and said, "Right." When Ryan confronted Douglas about not being very enthusiastic, he said, "I don't want to, you know, lose my voice." Ryan responded, "I don't want you to strain it, then. You're like Christina Aguilera."

Douglas reflected on his previous singing experience:

My family does not know I'm here today. My dad caught me singing one time eight years ago, and he's like, "Who do you think you are?" But then I would, like, sing so well a lot of times he would say, "I hate you," not like, "Man, I hate you, you're so good," like "I really hate you."

In his audition, Douglas admitted that he was nervous and asked to do a warm-up. He turned away from the judges and uttered some

After poorly singing Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer, Douglas admitted that he "was rough on that one note." Simon replied, "The one note?"

Paula told him to take a drink and relax, so Douglas drank some more water and started doing his warm-ups as he walked around the room. Finally, he returned to the stage and timidly started singing Mariah Carey's Circles — and as he sang it, he started walking around in a circle.

Simon stopped him again and said, "Douglas. Douglas! Douglas, I don't want to hear any more of this stupidity." This prompted Douglas to slip back into Living on a Prayer.

Finally, security moved in to escort Douglas out, and Simon assured him that he'd take them to a safe place.

Erick sang Boyz II Men's A Song For Mama. Unfortunately, the only way he could sing that high was to sing softly and in a falsetto voice.

After hearing this audition, Simon commented, "You sound like you're seven."

Brandon has a very special collection that he wanted to show off. He collects . . . wait for it . . . his fingernail clippings. Technically, I guess they're not "clippings" because he peels his fingernails off instead of clipping them. He started about seven years ago and still has the fingernails to prove it. This bag full of fingernail clippings disgusted and scared Ryan as he was looking at it, and Ryan said that it looked like "hash browns, or fingernail clippings."

Brandon sang Hall and Oates' Rich Girl. Simon called it forgettable, but Paula and Randy said that it sounded good enough. Brandon made the scene a bit awkward when he said he liked Simon's honest, thus alienating the two judges who were passing him through.

As Brandon and his fingernails left the building, Ryan said that Brandon's trip to Hollywood was "in the bag."

Bruce made a pact with his father that he would save himself for "the one" girl out there for him . . . and that includes even kissing.

Bruce wears a key on a chain that fits into a heart on a separate chain. His father will give the heart (which reads "He who holds [the key] unlock my heart.") The key will be passed onto Bruce's future wife on their wedding day — their wedding kiss will be his first kiss.

As Bruce went in to audition, Ryan had an interesting conversation with Bruce's father:

Bruce's dad: He hasn't kissed a girl. He's 19 years old.
Ryan: [bewildered] Even first base???
Bruce's dad: Even first base.
Ryan: [still bewildered] Even kissing . . . you run a tight ship. Although, if he meets the girl out in Hollywood, you'll be in big trouble. You don't even want to start me there.
Bruce's dad: You'll be guiding him, right?
Ryan: Oh, you don't want that. I've kissed a girl today.

When Bruce told the judges about how he hadn't kissed a girl, Randy immediately replied, "What??? Really? On purpose?"

Bruce sang Al Green's Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone. He did a decent job, but the judges said he wasn't there yet. Bruce asked the judges for advice. Randy suggested he kiss some girls, and Simon advised him to avoid Ryan on the way out. Ryan's parting advice was "Hug it out."

Gregory and Mia simultaneously sang separate parts of Distant Melody from Giuseppe Verdi's Rigoletto. They sang poorly, and they sang over top each other so it was unclear as to whose singing voice was worse.

After they finished, we hear only silence coming from the judges' table. Mia nodded confidently, and Simon nodded back in bewilderment.

After a little more silence, Gregory and Mia showed themselves out.

Paul is a park attendant and a member of the American Roller Coaster Enthusiasts. He spends most of his days mowing the park lawn and cleaning up the baseball field.

When we first see Paul, he is doing some weird, awkward dance moves that involve jerking his limbs almost randomly about.

In the audition room, Paul dropped the dance moves, but he did sing Elliott Yamin's Wait For You and snuck in a few voice cracks during his audition. He topped off the song with a breathy sigh.

Paul admitted to Simon that he hadn't actually sung in public before, but he had sung in front of his family. According to Paul, they had told him, "As far as I'm concerned, [snaps fingers and gives two thumbs up] two thumbs up!"

Despite Paula calling his audition "joyful" and Simon referring to it as "enthusiastic", it was clear that Paul would be getting three "no"s on this audition.

In his post-audition interview, Paul reflected, "Simon didn't come down on me like I thought he would, so that's always good, 'cause he goes down on just about everybody."