Season 7

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Milo Turk

Milo is a 39 year old, bald man with glasses and a leopard pattern vest..

Milo went into the audition admitting that he was overage, but also with a message he felt that young adults and teenagers needed to hear.

Milo's song is titled No Sex Allowed. The song is a several verses of poorly formed couplets about resisting sex. Milo even stomp-marches the beat as he sings the song:

I'm sitting around minding my biz.
Something's wrong and I don't know what it is.
My girl comes 'round, she's an Oedipus Rex.
She starts playing with me — all she wants is sex.
But take it from me, hear what I say.
I don't need that, there's a better way
So I promise her love as she sings along
'cuz sex is weak and love is strong. Whoooo!
No sex allowed! I don't want to be part of your crowd.
No sex allowed! And if you don't like it, get out of town!

Be sure to check out Idle Idol's interview with Milo Turk.

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Alexis Cohen

News flash: Alexis Cohen was killed in a hit-and-run accident on Saturday, July 25, 2009. For more information, read the article "Alexis Cohen Dies in Accident."

Contestant #83542

Alexis admitted, "I like things that shine. I'm like a pirate." She proved this with her attire: Thick silver glitter over her eyes, multi-color star-shaped earrings, and a shirt with a sparkly design on it.

Alexis' pre-audition plan? "Judges, I plan to knock you on your feet." I'm not quite sure how that works on a literal or a figurative plane.

In the audition, Alexis sang Grace Slick's Somebody To Love. She didn't sing well enough for American Idol, but the judges did suggest that she might do well in a 60s cover band.

Alexis took her defeat fairly well in the audition room, but when she exited, she ranted about Simon and about how "snugly" [sic] he looked at her. Back in the audition room, Simon compared Alexis to Willem Dafoe.

Alexis gave the finger to the camera several times and declared, "I'm going for actressing." At this point, Alexis' mother chimes in for the first time and we get an idea of what parentage might result in a character like Alexis.

And here's how Alexis' final rant down the escalator went:

I'll make it one day. One day, somehow, some way. And I hope that someone sees that I have some talent somewhere whether it be in acting or singing or whether it be the fact that I have the chutzpah and the [censored] to be able to get up and talk — to be able to say what I'm thinking, to be able to say what I mean, to be able to speak the heart, to be able to talk, to be able to lead. I will be victorious, always be victorious, all rising.

'Nuff said.

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Udgeet "Udi" Sampat

Contestant #81847

Udgeet Sampat (a.k.a. Udi) does finance work and has incorporated music and dance into the workplace to motivate his co-workers and kick-start his meetings. What better way to get a meeting going than by watching him Hammer Dance across the floor? He even made his own MC Hammer song.

Though Udi claimed to sound like Barry Manilow and Frank Sinatra, he sang My Way in a monotone voice. Simon suggested that Udi keep the batteries in his calculator to continue with his finance work.

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Temptress Browne

Contestant #87090

As a large-sized woman of 16 years, Temptress plays football, and middle linebacker at that!

Temptress informed Ryan, "Make me mad enough, and I'll break your bones." Ryan could only respond with a mousy "OK."

Despite the tough talk, Temptress revealed her motivation for being on American Idol: A touching story about her sick mother.

Temptress sang Jennifer Hudson's "I'm Not Going Nowhere," but she didn't sing it well. It was clear that, despite the judges' soft spot for Temptress, that she also was not going nowhere.

Though Temptress had very weak singing skills, Simon let her down easy by letting her know that she is a sweetheart before turning her down. Paula and Randy gave her hugs and the three judges even walked out with her to give her family the bad news.

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Zhengzhong Yu

Contestant #88471

Zhengzhong Yu sang the lullaby All the Pretty Little Horses for the judges in a soft, monotone voice.

That's precisely what I want on American Idol: Zhengzhong to come out and rock the crowd with various folk lullabies. Instant hit!

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Nick Stano

Contestant #86111

Nick sang the Righteous Brothers' Unchained Melody as loudly and as high as he reasonably could until the judges had enough.

Nick's singing was so high that Ryan Seacrest seemed to blame Nick for cracking the Liberty Bell.

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James Lewis

Contestant #78683

James is a large, 22 year old man with a deep voice. James works as a tour guide in Philadelphia, where he wears a minuteman hat and loves interacting with the tourists.

James compared his singing voice to that of Paul Robeson and Eddie Vedder claiming that his "specialty is anything that's low."

Imagine a wonderful, resonating bass voice like Paul Robeson's. Now imagine that you've cut out a Paul Robeson recording from those old school records that came on the back of cereal boxes and never played right. Now imagine that you play it at 33 rpms instead of 45 rpms. By this point, you've got an idea of James' singing voice.

When you've got a deep voice like James', you naturally gravitate toward low songs like Paul Robeson's Go Down Moses. James sang exactly this song. James sang the song as low as he possibly could — no, lower than he could possibly sing.

Randy had to cover his face with his notes as he laughed uncontrollably and Paula couldn't help but laugh along with him.

James promises he'll be back next year with something more contemporary. We're looking forward to it, James.

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