Paul sang a long song he wrote specifically for Paula Abdul:
There is this girl I know, I follow her around.
She hasn't noticed me, it really gets me down.
I broke into her house when she wasn't there,
Took off all my clothes and tried on her underwear.
I'm always thinking of her.
I really think that I love her.
I'm not much of a talker,
so I guess that I'll just stalk her.
Yeah, I'll stalk her.
If she were a doggy, I would walk her.
If she were a blackboard, I would chalk her.
If I were Colombo, I'd Peter Falk her.
But I'm not, so I'll just stalk her.
If she were at bat with a guy on first, I would balk her.
If she were Willona from Good Times, I'd be Jimmy Walker
If she were a bathtub, I would caulk her.
The song was cut off there as the judges informed Paul that his song was creepy, and security helped escort Paul back out the audition doors.
I'm just wondering how many more puns Paul had lined up . . .
Milo is a 39 year old, bald man with glasses and a leopard pattern vest..
Milo went into the audition admitting that he was overage, but also with a message he felt that young adults and teenagers needed to hear.
Milo's song is titled No Sex Allowed. The song is a several verses of poorly formed couplets about resisting sex. Milo even stomp-marches the beat as he sings the song:
I'm sitting around minding my biz.
Something's wrong and I don't know what it is.
My girl comes 'round, she's an Oedipus Rex.
She starts playing with me — all she wants is sex.
But take it from me, hear what I say.
I don't need that, there's a better way
So I promise her love as she sings along
'cuz sex is weak and love is strong. Whoooo!
No sex allowed! I don't want to be part of your crowd.
No sex allowed! And if you don't like it, get out of town!
News flash: Alexis Cohen was killed in a hit-and-run accident on Saturday, July 25, 2009. For more information, read the article "Alexis Cohen Dies in Accident."
Contestant #83542
Alexis admitted, "I like things that shine. I'm like a pirate." She proved this with her attire: Thick silver glitter over her eyes, multi-color star-shaped earrings, and a shirt with a sparkly design on it.
Alexis' pre-audition plan? "Judges, I plan to knock you on your feet." I'm not quite sure how that works on a literal or a figurative plane.
In the audition, Alexis sang Grace Slick's Somebody To Love. She didn't sing well enough for American Idol, but the judges did suggest that she might do well in a 60s cover band.
Alexis took her defeat fairly well in the audition room, but when she exited, she ranted about Simon and about how "snugly" [sic] he looked at her. Back in the audition room, Simon compared Alexis to Willem Dafoe.
Alexis gave the finger to the camera several times and declared, "I'm going for actressing." At this point, Alexis' mother chimes in for the first time and we get an idea of what parentage might result in a character like Alexis.
And here's how Alexis' final rant down the escalator went:
I'll make it one day. One day, somehow, some way. And I hope that someone sees that I have some talent somewhere whether it be in acting or singing or whether it be the fact that I have the chutzpah and the [censored] to be able to get up and talk — to be able to say what I'm thinking, to be able to say what I mean, to be able to speak the heart, to be able to talk, to be able to lead. I will be victorious, always be victorious, all rising.
Udgeet Sampat (a.k.a. Udi) does finance work and has incorporated music and dance into the workplace to motivate his co-workers and kick-start his meetings. What better way to get a meeting going than by watching him Hammer Dance across the floor? He even made his own MC Hammer song.
Though Udi claimed to sound like Barry Manilow and Frank Sinatra, he sang My Way in a monotone voice. Simon suggested that Udi keep the batteries in his calculator to continue with his finance work.
As a large-sized woman of 16 years, Temptress plays football, and middle linebacker at that!
Temptress informed Ryan, "Make me mad enough, and I'll break your bones." Ryan could only respond with a mousy "OK."
Despite the tough talk, Temptress revealed her motivation for being on American Idol: A touching story about her sick mother.
Temptress sang Jennifer Hudson's "I'm Not Going Nowhere," but she didn't sing it well. It was clear that, despite the judges' soft spot for Temptress, that she also was not going nowhere.
Though Temptress had very weak singing skills, Simon let her down easy by letting her know that she is a sweetheart before turning her down. Paula and Randy gave her hugs and the three judges even walked out with her to give her family the bad news.
James is a large, 22 year old man with a deep voice. James works as a tour guide in Philadelphia, where he wears a minuteman hat and loves interacting with the tourists.
James compared his singing voice to that of Paul Robeson and Eddie Vedder claiming that his "specialty is anything that's low."
Imagine a wonderful, resonating bass voice like Paul Robeson's. Now imagine that you've cut out a Paul Robeson recording from those old school records that came on the back of cereal boxes and never played right. Now imagine that you play it at 33 rpms instead of 45 rpms. By this point, you've got an idea of James' singing voice.
When you've got a deep voice like James', you naturally gravitate toward low songs like Paul Robeson's Go Down Moses. James sang exactly this song. James sang the song as low as he possibly could — no, lower than he could possibly sing.
Randy had to cover his face with his notes as he laughed uncontrollably and Paula couldn't help but laugh along with him.
James promises he'll be back next year with something more contemporary. We're looking forward to it, James.
Alaa Youakeem (a.k.a Uka) moved to the United States three years ago. Uka seemed to have a great attitude, though his broken English and lack of singing ability would keep him out of Hollywood this time around. Paula noted how impressed she was that he "phonetically learned the song," but suggested that he sing for his own enjoyment instead of for the competition.
During his interview, Uka expressed his patriotism for the U.S.A.: "I can't stop say I love America. I can't stop love American music." He also discussed his soft spot for American women and that they are attracted to him as well. He said, "She told me 'Uka, you are sexy face.' I say, 'All right, thank you very much.'" In perhaps the worst language slip of the year thus far, he said, "I want to love a girl from the hair to the . . . uhh . . . nipple."
Uka sang The Bee Gees' How Deep Is Your Love. Why? In Uka's words: "I'm going to sing Mr. Bee Gees. His group — he makes me feel like, uh, I fly in the sky. That's why Mr. Bee Gees makes me feel so special."
Best of luck to Uka. Maybe we'll see him again next year.
Fox has announced the official date for the premiere of American Idol 7!
Mark your calendars for January 15, 2008. The 2-night American Idol premiere beings at 8:00 EST and continues the following night at the same time. The two episodes combine for four hours of Idol fun!
Idle Idols is helping you keep track with a countdown of how many days are left until the American Idol premiere. In the meantime, check out the American Idol 7 wacky audition pictures.
Season 7 auditions concluded this week in Philadelphia, the last of seven audition cities.
As usual, Fox has released the usual assortment of audition photos. And, as usual, most of them are boring pictures of random people — but in the mix are some promising contestants who are sure to have caught the attention of the lunatic-crazed producers.
Here are the most interesting photos from each city:
Paul sang a long song he wrote specifically for Paula Abdul:
Milo is a 39 year old, bald man with glasses and a leopard pattern vest..
Alexis admitted, "I like things that shine. I'm like a pirate." She proved this with her attire: Thick silver glitter over her eyes, multi-color star-shaped earrings, and a shirt with a sparkly design on it.
As a large-sized woman of 16 years, Temptress plays football, and middle linebacker at that!
Season 7 auditions concluded this week in Philadelphia, the last of seven audition cities.