Ryan gets off to an odd start by answering Paula's "What's your name?" question with "I'm Ryan, what's yours?" During the interview section of the audition, Paula told him, "You just cursed. You you're not allowed to do that, it's a family show," but Ryan replied with "Oh, well I'm not a family guy."

Ryan sang Silverstein's Smashed into Pieces which includes some death-metal-like screeching along with some so-so alternative crooning in the middle. After Ryan left, Randy just had to try the screeching for himself. People posting over at alternative/independent entertainment site HYAMP.ORG seemed quite annoyed that the "poser" claimed to be "too hardcore" for the judges. Let's hope they don't get a hold of Ryan's MySpace profile. The band Silverstein posted on their site that Ryan is invited out to any one of their shows at any time. Oh, and if you want to hear the original version of the song (screeching included), listen to the sound clip from Disc 2 of the 2005 Warped Tour Compilation.

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Erica sang briefly for the judges. It was fine, but certainly not American Idol quality. Clearly, she only made it to the televised auditions because her sister is Bobbie May. Bobbie May is a psychic who was made popular on a previous season's audition episode.

Post-audition, the psychic claimed that she did have predictions about the outcome of American Idol 5, but she preferred to keep them to herself.

• Contestant #2550 charged with: Passing a Counterfeit C-Note
  2550 attempts to show off his extremely high range, but simply ends up destroying glasses and setting off car alarms instead.
  Sentence: 5 years
• Contestant #32367 charged with: Mimes Against Humanity
  32367 used some fairly distracting gestures during his song. It appeared that he may have been signing the song. Since American Idol wouldn’t have him, perhaps he could join the Happy Hands Club from Napoleon Dynamite.
  Sentence: 10 years, minimum security
• Contestant #889 charged with: Bouncing Czechs
  889, a Czech performer, “sings” Lady Marmolade.
  Sentence: 12 years, community service
• Contestant #62092 charged with: Hummicide
  62092 sings poorly, and follows it up with some poor humming.
  Sentence: 12 years in Sing Sing
• Contestant #72722 charged with: Performing with a concealed weapon
  72722’s singing style mostly involved plenty of Elvis-on-Viagara hip swinging.
  Sentence: 18 years, maximum security
• Contestant #34603 charged with: Writhing without a License
  34603 throws one arm up into the air (almost Rodeo-style), writhes for a bit, and gives off a series of moans or . . . something like that.
  Sentence: 18 years, solitary confinement
• Contestant #37113 charged with: Assault and Battery
  37113, a large woman, sings I Like Big Butts. Fortunately, she has a fun time, as she spins around, shakes her booty, and starts spanking herself.
  Sentence: Life: No parole

Haggai is becoming an American, and he wore an American flag shirt for his audition. He claimed that he was going to make the judges excited with his singing. He ensured the judges that he would sing in tune because he had a key chain to help him with his pitch. Simon noted that it sounded a little low, so Haggai asked him if he had any batteries.

After Haggai desecrated God Bless the USA, the judges turned him down. It probably didn’t help that when he sang "the men who died," it sounded like he was gargling.

Haggai told the judges that, with a vocal coach and a couple months, one can become a good singer, and after a year, one can become a great singer if they have perfect pitch, like he does. If Haggai has perfect pitch, then apparently the rest of the world doesn’t.

Post-audition, Haggai explained that he had tried to grab the judges’ attention. He said that the "right judge" (Randy) was most impressed because he maintained eye contact, Paula was looking at his dancing and his body, and Simon was reading a book.

JC returns again this year, except this time, he has grown a mullet. Simon told him that sometimes, he mentally says "No" before the person starts singing, and he did just that.

I can't be sure, but it appeared that JC didn't even sing during this audition. If you've forgotten JC, he's the one Simon asked in a previous season, "Are you aware that when you sing, you do a stabbing motion?"

Jason works as a gondolier in Las Vegas. He works under the pseudonyms Pepé or Josephe Francisco Andino.

Jason sang Stand by Me, but he didn't sing it well enough. Simon suggested he stick with the gondolier job. So, in Jason's words, "American Idol 5 is going to be Pepé-less, my friends."

Anthony's singing style was distinctly off-tune. As Anthony begins singing, you can see Simon's expression immediately sour.

Anthony is undeniably overweight, so of course, Simon threw in a weight joke as Anthony left.

Anthony's background story included the fact that he and his girlfriend own 75 animals!

Often, you can tell from someone's speaking voice that they probably won't be the best singer in that city, and David was no exception.

David chose to sing a Backstreet Boys song. His singing style was nasal and off-pitch.

Princess claimed to be a conceited, blunt, sassy perfectionist that sounds a lot like Aretha Franklin. Three out of five ain't bad, I guess.

For a perfectionist, Princess missed a whole lot of notes and basically screamed the off-pitch lyrics at the judges. Simon tried to stop her, but she kept on singing.

After even more horrendous singing, Simon whispered "Will you shut her up? Shut her up." followed by "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it."

Finally, Princess stopped, and Paula's best compliment was that "there were sweet moments in there." Simon quickly added, "Yeah, the end." He also told her that she had given him a headache with her singing.