Richard Garland

Contestant #61769

Richard brought his ventriloquist dummy Scotty. Unfortunately, Scotty did not join in on the singing portion of the audition, but he did compliment Paula before being shoved back into the box.

As Richard left, Simon advised him that "There's nothing wrong with working with a dummy." Paula gave a knowing look, and said "I work with them all the time! All the time!"

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Sabrina Oakley

Contestant #60731

Sabrina referred to herself as "Sabrina, the teenage witch." Due to her age, Simon quickly noted, "Well, let's lose the 'teenage'."

Sabrina claimed on her application that men always hit on her and when this was mentioned, she said something I found to be incoherent. Closed captioning tells me that she said "So I'm hoping Simon will hit on me." During her audition, Sabrina sang off-key, so Simon said that it was less "hitting on" and more like "hitting."

Simon also just had to point out that she was "more Jerry Springer Show than American Idol." Simon later punctuated his sentiment by yelling "Y'all stole my sister!" Sabrina snapped and screamed about how she hated Jerry Springer.

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Shawn De Salazar

Contestant #61172

Shawn dressed formally for his audition and brought with him a large poster chronicling his "life story."

Apparently, Shawn was born a week earlier, because there wasn't much on there other than him traveling to Greensboro and wanting to get onto American Idol.

Shawn claimed he was "on a mission to bring back standards" to American Idol, and he sang one: That Old Black Magic. While he didn't sound horrible, Simon said that he sounded "distinctly average," and compared him to one of those singing waiters you might see in an unpopular restaurant.

Shawn's little brother was pretty outspoken about Shawn's talents, and he seemed truly upset after Shawn was turned down. In fact, he was more outraged than Shawn. His little brother told the camera, "I think it's baloney . . . And you know what? Who needs American Idol?" Hopefully not Shawn, that's for sure.

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Ronda Jones

Contestant #60123

Ronda had a distinctly high-pitched voice that sort of reminded me of a mix between Spongebob's squirrel friend Sandy Cheeks and Annie Potts (the actress you'd recognize as secretary Janine in Ghostbusters).

Randy asked Ronda what she was going to sing to prove that she was the next American Idol, and Ronda berated him for putting a lot of pressure on her.

Ronda sang some Backstreet Boys, and Simon complained that it "sounded just like the original."

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Jimmy Crabtree

Contestant #64076

Jimmy has to be one of the least excited people to audition for American Idol. He spoke with a monotone voice, even when entering the room. Simon informed him that he had the "personality of a hippo."

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Donny Meacham

Contestant #60522

Donny attempted to sing Bridge Over Troubled Water, but it didn't go well.

Simon's vote? "Well, you just murdered one of the most beautiful songs of all time. You went from torture to murder."

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