Season 5, Episode 2
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Contestant #37022
Dude, looks like a lady. No, that wasn't Zachary's choice of song, but it was his choice of lifestyle.
Zachary has the build of a female, with a mannish face, but quickly offered the information that he was frequently confused for a girl. Zachary wasn't dressed up like a drag queen, but the makeup, women's shirt, and girly belt didn't help matters.
Of course, s/he played the prejudice card in what seemed to be a pre-thought out pseudo-rant, claiming that "America is prejudice and racist." Did I mention that Zachary is white? No? I didn't think I had to . . . until that quote. That's right — American Idol is racist for turning down a white person.
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Contestant #37614
Nick's best gimmick was his wardrobe: matching hat, baggy shirt, and baggy pants, all with exactly the same pattern. He even had several sets of matching clothes with various patterns to choose from.
Nick confided that most people think of his suits as pajamas.
Why is Nick called "Flawless"? Here's the explanation, right from Nick himself:
I felt like I have one of these suits on, I might as well go ahead and call my something — my name something that it should be — name, which is very appropriate, which thereforth is Flawless, which was developed out of my mind.
Of course, Flawless' day job is cleaning houses, but that's because he's a self-proclaimed "archtepreneur." His cleaning company's slogan is: "Paradise Cleaning: You come home, uh, with your home and . . . house smelling like — looking and smelling like paradise."
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Contestant #39705
Ben is an inventor. In fact, he brought one of his inventions: The Cosmic Coaster. From what I could tell, it appears to be a strong circular magnet that floats above the stand and is held in place by three poles. The result? A highly unstable surface for you to set your drinks on. What more could you want? I think it won first place in the "Easiest way to spill your drink" category.
Despite the jaw-dropping invention, Ben doesn't like to boast about his intelligence "because sometimes it intimidates people." I'm wondering who these intimidated people could possibly be — Simon, Randy, or Paula certainly weren't intimidated.
Ben refers to himself as a triple-threat: "Singer, actor, inventor — I can dance a little." Considering his immense intelligence, Ben chose to sing If I Only Had a Brain.
When Simon turned down both his singing quality and his invention, Ben claimed that "You guys haven't given me a chance to evolve." Well, let's have Ben back in a few million years and see how he's evolved.
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Contestant #39181
Pre-audition, Amanda Berg showed off "the banana," a move she sort of made up on her own. I call it a "reverse somersault" . . . and, even in reverse, that's still considered a plain old "somersault."
Amanda aspires to be "Whitney Houston" in ten years . . . perhaps she was referring to drug use instead of singing ability.
After attempting to sing to the judges, Simon asked her to rate herself out of ten. She gave herself a 6 out of 10, and Simon informed her that his score was "minus five-and-a-half."
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Contestant #35811
Before heading into his audition, Erik resolved to stand his ground when facing Simon.
After a less-than-poor performance, the judges did not say anything, prompting Erik to (nervously) stare Simon down. The music from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" started playing underneath the scene.
Erik soon saved the judges the trouble of telling him the obvious by dismissing himself.
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Contestant #39702
Garet is a third-generation cowboy who doesn't know more than the life of the ranch. In fact, he has never sang for humans before, yet he has had a Gonzonian chicken audience.
Garet knew he was off to a bad start when he couldn't remember the title of the song he was about to sing.
Garet didn't sing overwhelmingly well, but there was obvious quality lying beneath the surface. Since Garet did not have money for vocal lessons, the judges apparently saw fit to give him some lessons, courtesy Fox.
Upon his approval, Garet gave a scream and jump befitting Brokeback Mountain more than John Wayne.
For more information on Garet, check out garetjohnsononline.com
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