Lloyd "Big SuccSexy" Thomas is a big personality. We first see him doing the robot and repeating his nickname, a hybrid of "success" and "sexy". As he pulled out photographs of his daughters from his wallet, one of them fell on the floor as the camera zoomed in. Lloyd asked if they would cut that part out.

Lloyd is a dock worker at an airport and says that "the worst part about my job that I have is . . . probably the job that I have."

In the audition room, Lloyd sang Stevie Wonder's Overjoyed and did a great job — even Simon called it the best audition of the day. Neil Patrick Harris suggested that Lloyd work some of that personality into his performance.

Julie auditioned way back in Season 1 and got on the air for her horrible rendition of Labelle's Lady Marmalade. Julie returned again for season 9 with a sign reading "THIS IS MY YEAR 2009 Julie Kevelighan"

This time, Julie sang Alannah Myles' Black Velvet. To be honest, she sounded horrible but she sounded better than her previous audition.

When asked what he thought, Neil Patrick Harris said, "My first problem was the bottom line of your sign. The letters just get real small at the end. It seemed like you might have wanted to start over." When Simon gave his bad review and tried to start the voting, Julie broke into Somewhere over the Rainbow. They cut her off and voted No, so Julie started singing Let's Give Them Something to Talk About. At that point, security picked up her sign and showed her the way out.

Outside the audition room, Julie blamed her breathing and breath control on her poor audition. She even tried to fit a fourth song in during Ryan's interview. Maybe we'll see Julie again in 8 more years.

Jason said that he would be the next American Idol because he has talent . . . and he believes in magic.

Jason sang Divinyls' I Touch Myself to the judges and Kara pretended to sing along. By the end of the song, Jason was down on his knees on the stage. Simon said, "Jason, if you're comfortable down there, I'm cool with that." When Katy had to vote, she simply said, "I feel . . . dirty."

Outside the audition room, Jason gave Ryan his number and told him to call. Ryan said, "Jason, as much as you may believe what you read, here's the one you should be giving it to." Ryan then handed it to a large man who smarmily smiled at Jason and made a face at the camera.

Austin wore a tight, shiny red and black shirt and said, "I'm the kind of guy who would bring people on the stage and I wouldn't care if people touched me. I don't think there's anybody on American Idol that's sexually ever been like me."

Austin when he came in to sing Cheap Trick's Surrender and threw in some faces and dance moves. He also sat down and clapped both his hands and feet in the air. Kara said that his act sort of looked like Mick Jagger and Katy Perry said he sort of looked like Iggy Pop.

Simon asked him why he couldn't just clean water and Austin said that cleaning water was boring.

After Austin left, Simon said, "that was one disturbed young man," and Katy Perry asked if the contestants were frisked before they came in the room.

A.J. sent his demo tape to Adam Lambert and said that Adam had only great things to say about his voice.

A.J. sang Living Colour's Cult of Personality for the judges. Simon said it looked like he had just gotten a shot of anesthetic at the dentist's office, Kara said that he didn't move his mouth, and Randy said it looked like a ventriloquist act. A. J. asked, "Oh, is it a visual thing or is it a sound thing?"

Simon replied, "It's a both" and Randy made A. J. practice saying "Ahh" with his mouth wide open.

Damien starts out by telling us that his first great love was martial arts. He is also a pacifist and said, "Sometimes that means swallowing your pride and looking like a fool," and that's exactly what Damien ends up doing.

In the audition room, Damien says that he makes sandwiches for a living. He tells Simon that pepperoni is the popular "thing" in sandwiches right now.

Damien remembered that he was going to sing a Righteous Brothers song but couldn't remember the title of You've Lost That Loving Feeling. After a couple guesses by the judges, he started singing in a timid, raspy voice. After his voice cracked, Damien looked up at the ceiling, whistled a few times, and told the judges that he couldn't believe that just happened." Simon told him to just leave, and he promptly walked out.

Neil starts out by saying, "I have an IQ of 168. That makes me a pretty smart guy."

Neil is a self-proclaimed geek who says, "In my heart is the love to perform. The love to touch the souls of others. To exhilarate, to exaltate, to exalt in what it is is to be human: To be vulnerable, to have strengths and weaknesses and passions and loves and hates and everything bundled up inside . . . until you can let it out."

Neil came into the audition room with a thick layer of sweat covering his face. He sang Meatloaf's Rock and Roll Dreams Come True and Simon called it ironic when Neil sang the opening line, "Remember everything that I told you" and then forgot the next line. After being told that he wasn't cut out for the music business, Neil refused to leave and seemed to take the view that if he confidently said that he was going to Hollywood enough times, it would actually happen. Simon asked him if he was going to leave with or without an escort and Neil said he could walk himself out.

On his way out, Neil told Simon not to hit anyone else with the door, which Simon does not understand. We then see previous footage where Simon hits Neil when he opens a door — Simon did not apologize Neil after hitting him.

In his exit interview, Neil said, "I think American Idol really lost out today. I really do think that in the grand scheme of things, they are going to be the bigger losers."

Jarrod's motto before going into the audition was that he would never give up. He told the judges that he could be one of the best singers and then performed Amazing Grace in a warbled, pitchy style.

After Jarrod finished singing, Kara said, "Oh, Good Lord, what was that? Do you really think you're a good singer? Seriously, I'm not trying to be rude — You think you're a great singer? Honey, it sounded like a lawnmower."

Jarrod asked if he could have two more seconds to sing another song. Randy told him no and that he just couldn't sing, but Jarrod broke into Amazing Grace one more time. He continued singing while the judges told him not to. Finally, one of the security guards came out to try and get him to leave. While the "I can't leave. I cannot leave. I'm not try — Don't get violent, I'm not getting violent." The guard told him that he won't get violent, he just wanted Jarrod to leave. By this point, a second guard has come out and they lead him out. Jarrod made some sort of a move with his arm to return to the stage but the second security guard was a bit rougher with Jarrod and forced him out of the room with his arm around Jarrod. After they disappeared behind the wall, there was a big crash, but we can't see what happened.

Cut to the next scene: Two security guards, a guy in a suit, and a uniformed guard or officer had Jarrod pinned to the ground and handcuffed on him. They led Jarrod out of the building.

Once, that was all done and the audition room was silent, Simon asks, "Yes or No?"

At the outset of his audition, Cornelius told the judges that he could dance and that he had learned from his friends who are "adult entertainers" and who "dance for money". Cornelius sang Tina Turner's Proud Mary (Rolling on the River). During the chorus, he jumped high into the air and landed in a split, hitting his legs and knee hard into the stage, but Cornelius kept on singing . . . until he went to get up, that is. That's when he informed the judges, "My pants done ripped."

Simon said that Cornelius deserved to go to Hollywood. Cornelius said that he had some more moves and Simon quickly replied, "I don't want you to move at all right now!"

Cornelius got a unanimous Yes from the judges, along with encouragement to go buy some new pants.

Randy asked Jay if he could sing, so Jay started singing Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine. While he sang, Kara and Randy started beatboxing under him, and eventually Jay started dancing to the judges' beats. As soon as he finished, Randy said, "So it's a No," but Kara protested.

Jay told the judges that no one else did what he did on American Idol. The judges brought up beatboxing Blake Lewis, but Jay said that Blake didn't sing and beatbox simultaneously. Kara continued to argue until Randy finally gave him the second Yes vote.

Keep your eyes and ears out for some beatboxing in Hollywood week!

You couldn't help but notice Theo. He had a thick layer of glitter on his face and at least 15 mirrored discs on one side, set off by a couple feathers wrapped around his cheek. He also had on a sort of shawl that also had mirrored discs all over it.

Pre-audition, Theo said, "My gift is something that you get only on particular days. I'm just something you could get a piece of on Monday and then on Tuesday when you put it in the microwave and warm it up, it's still good."

Simon asked Theo where he thought he would be in 10 years if he won American Idol 9 and Theo said that he would be running a corporate salon and working as a fashion designer.

After singing Pat Benetar's Heartbreaker, the judges let Theo know that he would not be moving on to Hollywood. Kara invited him over to the judges table when he became sad and Kara tried to make him feel better by telling him that he smelled nice. Theo wandered off stage left but missed the exit. Instead, he wandered around behind the set walls, trying to find his way out.

While waiting for Theo to come out, Ryan chatted with the three people who were there to support him. Two of them said that they were friends and the third one answered, "Umm . . . you could say we're like best friends 'cuz I'm his assistant."

Theo emerged from the audition room, said he didn't make it, and then answered Ryan's post-interview questions while Ryan picked the mirrored discs off of his face.

I was in the Army. I was in Korea. Being in the Army is very depressing so they need some form of entertainment, some type of morale. I used to sing for the troops. I was told not to sing in uniform. You know, I couldn't help it and I got in trouble. Screw you, Sergeant Hart, I'm the next American Idol.

Brian chose to sing Tiny Tim's Tiptoe through the Tulips, including tiptoeing around the stage.

The judges asked him if that was a joke and Brian stuck to his guns, swearing even on his mother's life that the audition was not a joke. Throughout the discussion, he referred to the judges as "ma'am", "sir", "Mr. Jackson", and "Mr. Cowell". Kara asked him if he really tiptoed around and he answered, "Ask anyone from grade school through current. Yes I do, ma'am."

After the whole ordeal, Brian said, "I feel like slipping into a warm bubble bath and relaxing my thoughts."

We see Crazy Accordion Lady only for a brief moment in a montage of crazy contestants.

Why do we call her Crazy Accordion Lady, you ask? Well, it could be:

1. The crazy blue hair she had.
2. The red, white, and blue accordion she played during the audition.
3. The fact that this contestant was a lady.
4. Or . . . it could be the only lyrics we heard from her song:
   

   I am the crazy accordion lady.
   This is my song –

Well, perhaps we'll never know.

Sporting a shirt that says "It's not illegal unless you get caught!", this unnamed contestant (Let's call him Kelly, shall we?) sang a song in a high-pitched, nasal voice. The lyrics that we hear are fairly simple:

My name is Kelly, Ke-Kelly.
My name is Kelly, Kell-Kell –
My name is Kelly, Ke-Kelly.
Do you hear my name?

All we see from the judges are Simon in a state of shock, Shania Twain smiling, and Randy saying "Dude, no, no."

Amy is an effervescent, hyperactive woman who can hold up both ends of a conversation. She decided that it was worth it to wait in line for a couple days to obtain worldwide fame.

If someone were to write a musical about Amy, she guesses that it would be titled Amy Lang. Amy Lang! Amy Lang!!! The Musical.

Amy let Ryan Seacrest know that he was the first celebrity that she had an inappropriate dream about. As Ryan sent Amy into the audition room, Ryan mouthed to the camera, "Oh my God!"

Before Amy began singing Aretha Franklin's Dr. Feelgood, she fell limp on the stage, apparently passed out. After five full seconds of silence (and stillness), Amy suddenly sat up and started singing the song.

After the song, Amy showed off one of her talents: Something she likes to call "The Boob Flex". Randy called it "Musical Boobs" and Kara referred to it as "BoobBoxing", at which point Amy pretended like she was beatboxing but continued with the boob flexes.

After getting a No vote from Simon, Amy asked, "Really? Even though I can sing?"

Simon replied, "Yeah . . . they're not going to go to Hollywood."

Pants on the Ground has officially gone viral in American Pop Culture:

• We learned that Larry Platt has long been a civil rights activist.
• An "official" website for Larry Platt.
• Endless YouTube remixes and mashups online, including some good ones by DeStorm and davidchoimusic.
• Brett Favre chants "Pants on the Ground" with the team in the locker room.
• Appeared on The View this morning.
• Check out Jimmy Fallon's Neil Young version of Pants on the Ground.
• Lots more, past and present!

General Larry Platt may well turn out to be one of the most popular American Idol auditioners of all time. Larry Platt came in and sang his original song Pants on the Ground for the judges:

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground.
Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground
with the gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways.
Pants hit the ground.
Call yourself a cool cat, looking like a fool.
Walking downtown with your pants on the ground
Get it up!
Hey! Get your pants off the ground!

. . . and then repeat those lines ad infinitum. Not only was there the song, but Larry had a few dance moves and exercises that went along with the song, too.

After he stopped singing, Larry informed Simon that he was 62 years old and Simon noted that he was a bit over the age limit of 28.

Once Larry had that news, Randy said, "And we learned something today, Larry. You know what we learned? "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground," and then Larry started singing again.

In case you were wondering, the buttons on the right side of Larry's shirt said "Justice for Troy Davis". I couldn't make out the other button.

Lamar went into the audition excited about performing in front of Mary J. Blige. His hopes weren't set too high, however, because he admitted that he enjoyed constructive criticism and that's what he was hoping to take away from the audition (instead of the golden ticket most were hoping for).

Lamar shouted Seal's Kiss from a Rose in a loud, pitchy style. After he stopped singing, a portion of the discussion went like this:

Kara: I'm not gonna say that you're a terrible singer, because you're not a terrible singer.
Lamar: I'm really shocked, 'cuz that's not true.
Randy: No, she said that she's not saying that. Are you a good listener?

The more advice that the judges tried to give Lamar, the more upset he got. Despite Lamar's love for constructive criticism, Lamar swore at him, started to walk out, and then came back in to yell at the judges.

After some more back and forth, Lamar started singing (for the fourth time) and we get an excellent view of how Idol's security staff works. Suddenly, two bulky security guards stepped in from either side of the performance area and another staff member came in from the side to stand in front of the judges. Another staff member appeared from the exit area and the four of them escorted Lamar out. The four even rode the elevator down with him and escorted him through the parking lot, herding unsuspecting people away from Lamar.

The whole way out, Lamar went on about how Mary J. Blige can't sing and that he didn't know who Kara was and that he wished Paula was there.

Skii Bo Ski wore an interesting haircut to his audition — the American Idol logo was shaved into his hair.

Pointing to his shirt, he spelled his nickname out: "S – k – i – i -b- o, S – k -i". The producer pointed out that his shirt had "Skibo Ski" with only one "i" on the first name. He simply responded, "OK, we got — misprint." When his name later comes up during the audition, we see that it's not even "Skiibo Ski" but "Skii Bo Ski" . . . so there is a missing space as well.

Antonio gave it his all when he sang Marvin Gaye's I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Kara was grooving to the music and Mary J. Blige started clapping when he finished.

After he finished singing, Skii Bo Ski told the judges, "It's a package deal because I'm like the dollar store. You know, with the dollar store — even with the dollar store, you can have everything you want in that one package and it don't cost you no more than a dollar. I'm worth a lot."

Randy countered with, "That doesn't even make sense, what you were just saying," and Kara noted that he said he was only worth a dollar.

Antonio got a No vote from Simon and a Yes vote from Mary and Kara. Antonia cut Randy off with: "And before you speak, acknowledge that I am acknowledging good music and you made some."

Randy looked completely confused by Skii Bo Ski's ramblings and replied, "What in the world are you saying?!? Shut up! You're through to Hollywood! What is all of this nonsense? My God!"

Skii Bo Ski ran into the waiting room with his golden ticket and the crowd erupted into cheers. Based on some of Randy's advice, it looks like we'll see more Antonio Wheeler than Skii Bo Ski once he gets to Hollywood, but you never know!

Blake wore a t-shirt that said "BRITNEY SPEARS CHANGED MY LIFE". Unfortunately we don't exactly hear how she changed it.

Blake sang Spears' Oops, I Did It Again and Kara's response was, "'Oops' is right."

Britney Spears may have changed Blake's life . . . now only if she could change his voice.

Holly, better known to you and me as "Guitar Girl", dressed as a guitar for Halloween. Her friends thought the outfit was so cute that Holly figured she would wear the costume to her American Idol audition. The costume was highlighted by some very large guitar sunglasses.

Holly sang Loretta Lynn's You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man. After she finished singing, Simon asked Holly, "Do you understand how — you can keep [the guitar glasses] on — how slightly bizarre this is that you're dressed as a guitar but also look a little bit like an insect singing country and western?"

Mary J Blige's comment was simple: "I don't get it," but Kara said she respected that Holly was ballsy enough to go dressed like that. Holly received 3 Yes votes and will be moving on to Hollywood. I doubt we will see the guitar outfit again, though.

Jesse started out by telling Ryan that he was 26 but had almost died three times during his lifetime:

1. As an infant, Jesse almost died of tick fever. His grandpa found him in his crib and declared him "as limp as a dishrag".
2. While shooting pistols with his buddy (Jesse's age unknown) he "almost got hit by a speeding bullet".
3. Two months before the audition, Jesse almost got run over in his yard — the vehicle came within three feet of him.

Most entertaining were American Idol's self-proclaimed "Cheap Dramatizations" of each of the incidents. This marks one of the rare times that AI has attempted to recreate a story. In the dramatizations, Grandpa was wearing a "World's greatest grandpa" baseball cap, Pistol-shooting Jesse was wearing a "Shotgun 17" jersey and beaver baseball cap, and near-pancake Jesse was wearing some sort of fishing t-shirt.

Jesse decided to audition despite the fact that no one had ever heard him sing apart from his mother.

Simon asked him what he was going to sing and Jesse asked, "Can I try a Garth Brooks song? That's what I want to try, that sounds good, that? I want to try that." Simon told him to go on and Jesse looked like he was preparing to sing . . . and for the next 15 seconds, Jesse was only able to muster a timid "Oh man, I –". Jesse apparently got stuck while trying to sing The River but never could remember the lyrics. No one knew the song, but Randy suggested Brooks' If Tomorrow Never Comes, which Jesse was able to sing.

Christy Marie is a host and producer for an Atlanta TV show 411 "The Show".

Christy Marie sang Pat Benetar's Love is a Battlefield. After singing, Christy Marie told the judges that singing was her passion.

Kara said that they had some 411 for her: "This is not — shouldn't be your career, sweetie" and Simon suggested that this audition was more 911 than 411.

Dewone was pretty confident that he was cut out to be the next American Idol. After all, his great uncle Clyde discovered Gladys Knight & the Pips and he is also related to drummer Motown Bobby.

As Dewone started singing, Simon cut him off to ask him what he was singing. Dewone told Simon that it was an original song and started to sing again, but Simon cut him off again to get the title of the song: Lady, We're Not Together Any More. The song was pretty simple, but you need to know that each line alternates with a high-pitched voice and a deep bass:

Lady, I know you
Baby, I know you
La-La-Lady, I know you
It's over, it's over, it's over, it's over.

Simon told Dewone that it was one of the worst original songs he had ever heard. Dewone became upset about Simon jumping on him about the song title when he was trying to sing. To compensate, Dewone sang a snippet of Rick James' Fire and Desire and claimed that he was just shell-shocked.

Dewone stared singing his original song again but Kara threw her papers in the air and Randy started shouting for security.

On his way down the elevator, Dewone is seen singing, "It's over, it's over, it's over with me." We couldn't agree more.

Norberto walked onto the stage, prompting the positive-minded Victoria Beckham to say, "Wow, what an interesting look." Norberto was wearing a black shirt with sleeves down to the elbows under a red striped t-shirt that said Rock and Roll under a silver vest along with leather gloves

Norberto chose to sing Cascada's Every Time We Touch.

Once he started, he sang in a high, timid voice. At the fast part, he had the judges dancing a bit in their chairs.

Norberto started talking about how he wanted to inspire people like Michael Jackson inspired him, but Simon cut him off by saying, "No you're not, no you're not, no you're not. You're not. That whole thing — even the fact that you were singing like that with a beard made it even more strange. You know what I mean. You know — you sing like a 3-year-old girl, dress like Latoya Jackson, you've got a beard. The whole thing was just too weird."

Needless to say, Norberto did not get passed through to Hollywood.